Category Archives: Autobiography

The Literary Business by Peter Finch (Parthian Books)

The Literary Business by Peter Finch (Parthian Books)

Can Peter Finch really be so successful as a poet and editor, and so nice at the same time? In this episodic autobiography, Finch has kind words for everyone he has ever met, for every book he has ever read, performance he has seen, those he has done business with and worked for, along with the charlatans, pretenders and would-bes the poetry world knows all too well. 

The usual collective name is ‘a bitch of poets’ but Finch rises above that. Having immersed himself in concrete and sound poetry, as both cultural historian and creator, there is little that can weird him out, and he seems to have the patience of a saint when it comes to dealing with hangers on, bumbling amateurs, egotists and the textually or socially deranged. Instead, he prefers to encourage and offer examples and a context for it all, in the hope that things will grow, be that personally, poetically, creatively or editorially.

If ley lines existed for the poetry world, then Peter Finch would be the Alfred Watkins we need. Whilst bigging-up and documenting publishing and poetic activities in Wales, particularly Cardiff, Finch clearly documents how local politics, power structures, writerly rebellions, outsiders and arts quangos overlay and interact with creativity and artistic activities, and also reach out to the world outside Wales.

These are only hinted it, sketched quickly, before Finch returns home to Wales. It’s a breath of fresh air, even as someone born and bred in London, to find a new and engaging point-of-view on offer, a world where purveyors of Anglo-Welsh and Welsh poetries argue and debate, and the usual academic and big name authorial suspects are missing. For Wales has its own hierarchies, its own countercultures, its own magazines, poetry slams, upstairs rooms in pubs, lecture halls, bookshops and bookfairs, open mic events, its own groups of poets jostling for attention. Make that lots of its own groups.

Somehow Peter Finch seems to be or have been part of, if not central to, all of these groups. He knew and still knows everyone. He ran Oriel Bookshop for years, flogging every poetry magazine known to mankind; performed as part of Cabaret 246 with [Chris]Topher Mills (who my mother still remembers insulting her down the phone because he thought he was talking to me, the editor of Stride, who had carelessly misspelt a word in his poem); was Chief Executive of the Welsh Academy; tutored at Tŷ Newydd, the Welsh Arvon; and helped initiate the Welsh Poet Laureate. And just in case you’d forgotten, he also wrote, indeed still writes, his own brilliant books of poetry and alternative guides to the ‘Real Cardiff’ and elsewhere.

He’s also affable, enjoys a drink and a chat, remembers people’s names and backgrounds and is one of the world’s great encouragers and facilitators. Finch seems to regard everything as creative, from organising a reading (there’s a How to Organise… chapter here) or running a magazine or bookshop to writing in all its many possible forms, via avant-garde performances and alcohol-fuelled debating sessions in dodgy pub back rooms.

Although I miss the usual sideswipes and derogatory remarks that usually punctuate the divided worlds of creative writing, Finch is an example of an enthusiastic and catholic form of ambassador. I don’t believe for one moment he likes all the work of those he shakes hands with and has worked alongside, but he knows it is a given, part of the literary business he has chosen to engage with and now write about. After all, those givens may be something to resist and write against as much as anything else. We can’t all be Pam Ayres or Bob Cobbing, most of us reside somewhere in between. Or in Finch’s case, everywhere. Omniscient.

Rupert Loydell 1st January 2026

Alphabetical Diaries by Sheila Heti (Fitzcarraldo Editions)

Alphabetical Diaries by Sheila Heti (Fitzcarraldo Editions)

In basic terms, this is a diary subjected to a processual restraint: ten years of the author’s ‘thoughts’ rearranged alphabetically. Unlike many conceptual writing pieces (I’m thinking of some of the texts in Kenneth Goldsmith and Craig Dworkin’s marvellous Against Expression: an anthology of conceptual writing, which I use with my first year students) Sheila Heti’s needs to be read, not simply understood.

I’d previously read a 17 page online piece by Heti which was published as ‘From My Diaries (2006-10) in Alphabetical Order’, so was expecting a longer version of the same, but the work appears to be partly different material, and has a very different texture to it. The online piece looks like and reads as a list poem, with a lot of headings – single words or short phrases – within the text. It also undercuts itself with its jokey final line: ‘What a load of rubbish all this writing is’.

Although that phrase is present in the Fitzcarraldo book, it isn’t the final phrase (I won’t spoil the read by telling you what is), and here it is simply one phrase in one of the 25 alphabetical chapters (there is no X). Here, the diaries are taken apart and reassembled as dense blocks of prose: relentless, often staccato phrases with little space around them. (K, U and Z are the exceptions, each being much shorter sections.)

You would think that this might simply produce a pile-up, even a car-crash, of language; but you’d be wrong. What is allows the reader to do is focus on the language and experience how each successive phrase reconfigures what has gone before and raises expectations for what comes next. And my students, who always worry about such things, would question what had happened to the author’s voice, but Heti’s voice is, of course, more than present, because of the vocabulary, syntax and her subjects; it remains her writing. By rearranging sentences alphabetically we notice textures of, and the changes in, her voice, as – for example – ‘I was’ slips to ‘I watched’ to ‘I welled up’ to ‘I went back’ and then ‘I went back’, ‘I went into’, ‘I went to’, ‘I went up’ and so on. 

By fragmenting and then formulaically rearranging these personal records, Heti has reinvigorated them as more than a journal, brought them to life as a fascinating book which highlights the consistency and inconsistencies of us all, how our minds flit from subject to subject to elsewhere. It is a warm-hearted, individual, exploration of what it is to be alive, what it is to be human. As the opening line says, it is ‘A book about how difficult it is to change, why we don’t want to, and what is going on in our brain.’ 

Rupert Loydell 11th January 2024

‘From My Diaries (2006-10) in Alphabetical Order’ is available at http://tearsinthefence.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/3dd0b-hetifinal.pdf

The Inventor: A Poet’s Transcolonial Autobiography by Eileen R. Tabios (Marsh Hawk Press 2023)

The Inventor: A Poet’s Transcolonial Autobiography by Eileen R. Tabios (Marsh Hawk Press 2023)

I first got to read Eileen R Tabios’ work through John Bloomberg-Rissman’s 1000 Views of ‘Girl Singing’ project which used Tabios’ version of a Jose Garcia Villa poem as a prompt. I still use this as part of my remix & writing back module and have been able to send Tabios my students’ work now that Bloomberg-Rissman has terminated the project and his blog.

On the book’s back cover, Grace Talusan suggests that The Inventor is Tabios throwing ‘open the doors and windows of her poet’s house, inviting both long-time fans and new visitors to the writing behind the writing’, a description I find far more welcoming than the word ‘autobiography’. Truth be told, I don’t feel any need to know what is ‘behind the writing’, nor how an author lives or lived and how that informs the work; the poem is the text or a reading of it, experienced by the reader. On this last point, it seems we agree: in Chapter 2, Tabios states that ‘[w]ithout a respondent, (my) poetry doesn’t exist’. Of course, there’s an argument to be had about unread words on a page, but I can’t be bothered to go there right now.

Tabios, however, is unfailingly optimistic and idealistic. She suggests that poetry ‘can open you up to new modes of thinking/feeling/viewing . . . and hopefully then a newly better way of living’, despite understanding that ‘[t]his element about poetry—effecting positive change—is […] not based on the words that make up a poem. It’s not based on the visible, e.g. text.’ Some of this optimism is based on Tabios’ understand of and belief in Kapwa, a Filipino humanist philosophy which recognises a shared identity, an inner self, shared with others; or what Tabios calls the interconnectedness of things.

This puts a certain slant on things. Tabios seems more interested in the possible results and responses to writing and reading than the text itself. Where I see process poems or poetic forms, she sees affirmations and communities. Her invented form the Hay(na)ku is an interesting small poem form that subverts the haiku and also avoids the Westernised misunderstanding of them as syllabic forms but it is still, or only, just a poetic form; her Murder Death Resurrection project is a list poem generator that enables the creation of texts from a finite resource of lines. Many contemporary authors use similar structures as workshop exercises with groups, few attach such importance to them as Tabios does here.

It’s interesting to see work framed in this way, but it does seem to want poetry, or at least the effect it has, to be confessional rather than linguistic, political rather than individual. In the final chapter Tabios writes about how she has ‘long preferred the term “transcolonial” because I considered “postcolonial” insufficient for reflecting my desire to transcend being contextualized simply by my colonized history.’ She links this to wanting to ‘trans-cend into other concerns or interests not instigated by colonialism’ and says that in the end she ‘came to something more basic and fundamental: ethics.’

This is uncomfortable ground for me. Can poetry be ethical? Aren’t ethics to do with individuals and philosophy, society and sociology? She quotes the poet Paul le Couer, who says that ‘Being a poet is not writing a poem but finding a new way to live.’ This, says Tabios, means that ‘I’d like my poetry to make me a better person who helps lighten the world’s burdens with more good deeds from the planet’s most powerful species: humans.’ Are we really the ‘most powerful species’ or have we as a race simply colonized planet Earth? It’s quite a human-centric statement and the cynic in me has to ask if poems are the best way to change anything? 

I have tried to read this book as a poetics, but it is positioned so far from my understanding of language and text that I have struggled. I’m aware all writers and writing is embedded within networks of influences, friends, colleagues, pre-existing texts, readings and of course experience, and that all this informs what is written, but at best poetry is to understand and interrogate all of that, not to produce better people or ‘a new way to live’. Tabios seems to want a readership who somehow find a way to experientially make her poems their own and let them affect their behaviour. Me? I’m sticking with the notion of linguistic plasticity and the poet as someone who plays with language before simply offering their writing to readers.

Rupert Loydell 17th December 2023


A Walk in Deep Time by Morag Smyth (moragsmyth.co.uk)

A Walk in Deep Time by Morag Smyth (moragsmyth.co.uk)

The title of this book, ‘A Walk in Deep Time’, is key to its ethos. Tree-like, it is rooted in the ‘restlessness of earth’, in the geology of soil and water and rock, in an ancient, ancestral land that ‘sometimes remembers’, a land whose air and light are linked to the cellular structure of living things, ‘to who and what we are.’ 

‘I was born on a fault line on a brilliant summer’s day’ is the opening statement by the author who goes on to describe how the first sound she heard was the river, ‘a constant source that held me to this place, this time, this moment.’ From an early age she took pleasure in listening to the ground, to the ’creaking and shifting of things’ which created ‘a sense of something universal’ together with an awareness that humankind is ‘transient, mere flickers or impressions on the land on which we stand.’ There are many explorations in A Walk in Deep Time – geographical, philosophical, and personal – but throughout all the changes of time and events there is ‘a deeply connected bond to place’.

The book is rich in detail and anecdote. I had not realised that a memoir could be such a page turner and impossible to put down. Morag Smyth conveys so clearly the joy of a childhood that valued rural life, freedom and play and allowed a ‘strong imaginary world’ to develop in a sensitive child with a capacity for daydreaming and everything that was other worldly. I identified so strongly with the misery caused by some of the schools she attended that I could willingly have broken down the restrictive walls and smashed the high windows that blocked her view of the sky.

Fortunately, the damage did not cause enduring harm to the child’s ‘big dreams’, to her love of rich colour and design, to fabrics and off-cuts that were like treasures and ‘little jewels’.  Creativity could still be explored through art, painting, dancing and music.  When Morag became a student at Chesterfield College of Art, sharing a sense of adventure with four close friends and relishing her involvement in student protests, she describes herself as ‘a bottle of champagne that had been corked up for too long.’

This vivacity and sense of delight continues throughout the whole of A Walk in Time although, of course, this is an account of a life with all its accompanying problems and grievances, its losses and heartaches, its failures and disappointments. There is the intensity of the feminist struggle to give women a voice and a role and there is the frustration of an educational system that refused for years to make allowance for differences, to recognise there are many ways of learning. But the book is a ‘walk’, an exploration, and there are meetings with well-known people like Denise Levertov and John Cooper Clarke, there are festivals with Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac. A fascinating richness of colour.

A Walk in Deep Time deserves to be widely read. It must be widely read not only because it is so readable but because of its motivation, its rationale. The book ends with a statement and a plea:

‘We humans are custodians … On a long long scale our existence is just seconds. Our survival depends on improving our relationship with each other, the earth and ourselves. Each of us walks in deep time – each walk is briefer than an outbreath and each …is important, valuable and eternal.’

The book is available from leading booksellers.  

Mandy Pannett 28th September 2022

Unnatural Selection: A Memoir of Adoption and Wildness by Andrea Ross (CavanKerry Press)

Unnatural Selection: A Memoir of Adoption and Wildness by Andrea Ross (CavanKerry Press)

Andrea Ross’s Ploughshare’s article “A Feminist Look at Edward Abbey’s Conservationist Writings” details the way that Abbey sexualizes the landscape in his many writings of the American Southwest, taking a racist and misogynist approach to the wild world. Ross has a complex relationship with the natural world of the west as a former ranger and current English professor. She often works with writers of this area, people like Abbey, Jack Kerouac, and Kenneth Rexroth, so I was excited to see her take on the landscape, how she would use it in this memoir about finding her birth family while trying to find a home within the natural world. What she finds in her relationship to the land is exceptional. Ross, unlike these other writers, is able to see the natural world as a place of rest; in her long journey to find her birth parents and herself, she finds home in nature.

     While Unnatural Selection is in large part about her journey through the bureaucracy caused by laws that seal the records of adoptees and their birth parents even when everyone involved wants to connect, the center of it is Ross’s search for a place where she belongs, a home. She tries to find this through other people, and through various careers outdoors, but underneath the surface of all of this is an awareness that she is learning where she belongs in this wild world. An early boyfriend asks her to find it through adventures in the backcountry, most notably in mountain and rock climbing. She feels as though she should because the people she admires seem excited about it. Unfortunately, the danger of it just doesn’t thrill her, and she abandons this sport and with it, the boyfriend. She tries to share it with people in her life. When she is a ranger at the Grand Canyon, she tries to show her adopted mother the beauty of the canyon floor and the two of them explore the domestic ruins of the Native Americans who lived there. What she is doing as she proceeds in this journey is finding not only where she belongs but how she belongs in the wild, what her role is. She is not someone who seeks adventure or domination of it in the way that Abbey describes. She wants to be a part of it.

     Her journey toward a complete family that includes her adoptive parents and siblings and her birth parents and siblings is no less compelling than her discovery of nature. It is, however, a much more difficult journey and contrasts with her treks to the wild world because it is so unnatural. She has to deal with artificial laws that separate one of the most important relationships of a person’s life. While her mother certainly wants privacy in the beginning when she is an unwed teenage mother, that desire turns on itself, and she begins to feel a need for closeness to her missing child. Ross too benefits from the adoption, gaining a family that loves her, but that doesn’t mean that the rift between parents and child needs to be permanent. The search is long and unnecessarily difficult even though she has a genetic disease that she wants to understand more fully. 

     Ross’s journey and her pain are shared by many people who have gone through the adoptive process. Unnatural Selection is the kind of book that lets people who have been dismissed and not listened to about an emotion they are living with that they are not alone. Her book gives us a way forward in a world that often feels hostile.

John Brantingham 16th May 2021

Iain Sinclair’s 70 X 70 Unlicensed Preaching: A Life Unpacked in 70 films

Iain Sinclair’s 70 X 70 Unlicensed Preaching: A Life Unpacked in 70 films

(King Mob, 2014) http://king-mob.net/

Ian Sinclair’s selection of 70 films in celebration of his 70th birthday, based on films related to the locations and enthusiasms of his life, constitutes a kind of accidental novel in its autobiographical journey. Screened in unusual venues across London in the build up towards his birthday they include rare and less well known European art cinema and British films. There are films related to his time at Trinity College, Dublin 1960-1962, film school at Brixton, films that he has made, including those related to his books, and films connected to those parts of London, which have fuelled his obsessions. His sense of London’s geography was constructed through finding cinemas, and there are extracts from the most recent films shot outside London.

The book’s format consists of Sinclair’s introductory notes to each film, which contextualise its impact on and connections to his life and writing. Orson Welles, Hitchcock, Luis Buñuel, Jean-Luc Godard, Herzog, Fassbinder, Rosselini, Antonioni, Michael Reeves, Patrick Keiller, William Burroughs, the Beats, J.G. Ballard are well featured. There are substantial and illuminating interviews with his collaborators Chris Petit, Susan Stenger, Stanley Schtinter, Andrew Kötting, as well as critic Colin MacCabe, on Godard’s Le Mépris (1963) and the writer of The Long Good Friday (1980), Barrie Keeffe. The Whitechapel Gallery film curator, Gareth Evans, director John Smith and others provide introductory notes to specific films, which with the pages of still photographs enhance the impact of the whole.

The book’s strength lies in the stories behind the films, the quirky manner in which they came to be the way they are as well as the ways the selection adds to the contextualization and interaction with Sinclair’s writing. For example, Muriel Walker, who was part of the crew that made William Dieterle’s Vulcano (1950) and became actress Anna Magnani’s secretary, provides a fascinating insight into Rosselini’s lover and the film’s production. Her photographs and diary from the shoot were featured in Sinclair’s American Smoke.

Of John Brahm’s Hangover Square (1945), loosely based on Patrick Hamilton’s 1941 novel and subtitled a tale of Darkest Earl’s Court, he writes:

‘Brahm’s film is a minor classic, a shotgun wedding of
expressionism and surrealism: barrel organs, leering
pawnbrokers, cor-blimey-guv urchins. Linda Darnell
enthusiastically impersonates a knicker-flashing singer
with flea-comb eyelashes and hair in which you could lose a
nest of squirrels. There are two mind-blowing sequences:
the bonfire on which the faithless Netta is incinerated,
while a mob of Ensor devils howl and chant – and the
concerto, when a raving Bone hammers away at a blazing
grand piano.’

As ever, the reader wishes to see the film.

Sinclair refers to Fassbinder’s Berlin Alexanderplatz (1979/80), based on Alfred Döblin’s novel, as the pivotal film in the curation, as it is ‘the physical object with the most mystery.’ He writes: ‘For me going to Berlin, quite late on, was an expedition made through the filter of, initially, Döblin’s book and then the film. When I wrote about the labyrinth of memory that is Berlin, in a book called Ghost Milk, it was a tribute to both those works and a way of seeing this city.’

Gareth Evans’ closes the book with an essay ‘On the Act of Seeing with One’s Own Eyes’ and notes that whilst the curated films map ‘the road taken with wit, idiosyncrasy, combative, collaborative flair and no end of passionate poetry’ they also offer ‘a way forward, posting a typology of possible futures – of multiple spaces, found or made, for the public gaze – for how and why film is seen’. He concludes with a line from Theodore Roethke ‘In a dark time the eye begins to see’.

There is much more to this wonderfully spirited book, not least a description of actor, Toby Jones, possessing the figure of John Clare, and I urge readers of Iain Sinclair and lovers of the possibilities of film to engage with this joyous celebration.

David Caddy 7th December 2014